Forever
by merlucasworld
Summary: (At some point in the future...) And now she was in that place again. Everything inside her screamed to walk away. To turn around and just run away. To hide from her feelings instead of facing them. To do what she always did.


I know there are a lot of similar stories out there... But I had this idea and I wanted to write it down :) This story takes place in the future (Like 2-4 years from now..)

Also, I'm not a native speaker, so, I apologize for any mistakes in advance :)

For further notes see at the end..

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They both had the day off. It didn't happen often, but when they were lucky and they both had the same day off, they liked to do something as a family. The kids, Meredith and Andrew. One of the rare possibilities to create new memories together. Sometimes they went to the park nearbynearby. Or in the winter, when it snowed, they just went outside and watched the kids playing in the snow. One time it had snowed so much that they had built a snowman right in front of their house. Ellis has been the proudest little girl when she was allowed to put a scarf around the snowman, so he wouldn't freeze. Not that the snowman froze, but she wanted to do something good. Even for a snowman.

Most of these days the kids were tired after all the running and playing and fun they had. So, it didn't take much to convince them to go to bed early. Sometimes Ellis fell asleep, before Meredith and Andrew finished with their good night story.

When all the kids were put to bed and fell asleep, Meredith and Andrew had some time for themselves. They loved the moments as a family with the kids. But they also enjoyed and appreciated the few moments they got for themselves. Sometimes Meredith could convince one of her sisters to watch the kids, so Andrew and Meredith could go out to have dinner. Other times they went to Lake Union for a walk, talking and enjoying being around each other. If her sisters didn't have time, they spent the evening at home. In the warm summer nights, they went outside with a glass of wine, sitting on the swing in front of their house, talking about work and life in general, reflecting on the moments they spent as a family earlier that day. If the weather wasn't good, they replaced the swing outside with their couch inside.

Today was one of these days. A late summer day. The kids were already in their beds. Amelia and Link came over to watch them. And Andrew and Meredith went to Lake Union to enjoy one of the last warm days in Seattle for the year. It was one of those days, except today was different.

Andrew was always very open in expressing his feelings towards Meredith. He loved her and he let her know that. Sometimes he told her, sometimes he didn't need to say a word because the way he looked at her said it all. When he starred at her, tilting his head a little, getting lost in his thoughts. These were the moments that made Meredith's heart fall in love with him even more. She loved him, she told him from time to time. She didn't do it as often as Andrew. It didn't mean that she loved him any less. She just wasn't that open about her feelings as he was. She loved that he showed her his love for her even if it was the thing that scared her most. Sometimes she wished she could learn that from him, expressing her feelings like he did, but that's not who she was, and she won't change. But Andrew accepted her for who she was, he knew that it wasn't easy for her to express how she felt. But when she did, she really meant it and that made it even more beautiful.

And now she was in that place again. Everything inside her screamed to walk away. To turn around and just run away. To hide from her feelings instead of facing them. To do what she always did. To do what she did the last times, when things got more serious. When Andrew had confessed his feelings for her, when he had told her that he loved her for the first time, when they had had their big fight some time ago. She ran. And right now, that was the only thing she wanted to do.

They were walking along Lake Union, just enjoying the time together in silence for a minute. She noticed that he was looking at her for a while now. It made her heart flutter every time, even after all the time they were together. She loved it. She loved that he was able to make her feel that way. That he was able to make her feel that love again.

After a while she got curious. Not that she wasn't used to him looking at her, but it felt different, somehow. It was longer than usually. Way longer. "What?" she asked.

"I never want this to end. Us. I want this to be forever, Mer" It was just a statement from Andrew's side. But they both knew the deeper meaning behind it. He didn't ask directly to give her time, to not bring her in a position, where she needed to answer. But he wanted her to know what he wanted, how he felt. He wanted her to think about it.

He was still looking at her, just her. Like nothing else existed.

And in that very moment all her fears came back, like they were just waiting to come out of their hidings again. She wanted to run. Far away. But she knew better. She knew she loved him, she knew she would come back to him sooner or later. And she wanted to fight her fears. She didn't want to let them win again.

"Mer?"

She heard him. But she couldn't answer. She wanted to, but nothing came out. She was too busy fighting against her fears, against running away. She stopped walking. She was still holding his hand or.. he was holding her hand. It calmed her, somehow, and maybe it was the little assurance she needed in that moment to stay instead of running away like the last times. Their love, the way he loved her and her love for him was the thing that scared her most, but it was also the thing that made her feel happy again, that made her feel safe, that made her feel home.

"Meredith?" he tried again to get through to her. But he didn't get a response. He wasn't even sure if she heard him.

She didn't notice that she was shivering until she felt Andrew putting his jacket around her shoulders. "Come Mer, you're cold."

She could hear that he was worried. That he might know what was going on inside her. But instead of judging her. He gave her time, he accepted her fears, and he made sure that she got home, warm and safe.

They drove back in silence. From time to time she felt Andrew's gaze on her, when he was checking on her, while she was still going over her thoughts.

Forever. It sounded so… final. But, wasn't that what she wanted herself. The thought of loving someone so deeply again terrified her. But she decided some time ago that he was worth the risk, that she wanted to make this work, that she wanted to fight her fears, that she wanted to break that wall down. The wall she had built around her heart; higher and thicker with every loss she had experienced. Andrew was the one who was able to tear it down. Step by step. But sometimes, not often, but when her fears came back, it was like someone put some bricks back to start to build that wall again. It just happened, to protect herself, because she didn't want to lose any more people so close to her. She didn't want to get hurt again. But she wasn't going to lose Andrew now. The contrary. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But it also meant that they would get even closer, their love would grow even more. And losing him would get even harder. But she wanted that love, she wanted forever with him, too. She just needed some time to push those fears back in their hidings.

They went to sleep as soon as they arrived at their house. Andrew asked her if she needed anything or if she wanted him to spend the night on the couch. He wanted to be there for her, but also give her space.

She motioned him to lay down next to her. She wanted to have him near. She wasn't ready to talk about earlier yet, but she knew that Andrew being next to her was what she wanted in that moment.

In the morning

Meredith hardly slept. She spent most of the night starring into the darkness, going through all her thoughts. All her fears. She knew that all the worst scenarios would probably not come true, but she couldn't help it. One statement about their future, which had nothing to do with something terrible happening, awakened all her fears again. Because the love she felt for Andrew, brought the fear of losing. Of losing someone she loved.

She didn't want to wake Andrew, because she knew how rare those days were, where they didn't have to stand up early to get to the hospital. But everything she wanted right now, was to be in Andrew's arms. To feel safe.

"Hey. You're awake?" Andrew's soft voice stopped her in her thoughts a few minutes later.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep"

"Come here" Andrew lifted the blanket a bit so she could get closer to him. He laid his arm around her waist, before he kissed her temple.

It was still surprising to her how well he knew her, how patient he was with her and how caring he was. All this love she was experiencing was surprising. He wasn't mad at her or pushing her to give him an answer. Instead he just offered her the comfort she wanted and needed. She felt safe, lying in his arms, knowing that he was there. It calmed her.

Meredith was with her back to him, laying on her side holding his hand. Taking a deep breath before she started to speak.

"I'm scared" She felt how Andrew squeezed her hand while she was talking, like he wanted to assure her that it was okay to be scared. That he was there.

"Mer-"

"Andrew." She turned around so she could face him. "I'm scared, but I want this. I want forever. I just needed some time."

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I know, Derek would probably play a big part if Andrew proposed to Meredith... But I didn't really know how to write about it, so I focused on Meredith's fears in general..

Also, I want to believe that at the time Andrew proposes to Meredith, that their relationship is a lot stronger than now, so that she would actually say yes! I mean, Mer's fears will probably never go away completely, but maybe someday she is ready to take that step with Andrew.

Let me know what you think!


End file.
